Health and Death Anxiety in Motherhood: What It Is and How to Cope

Before I had a child, I wasn’t a stranger to anxiety. But after my baby was born, it hit differently—harder, sharper. Not just the typical “new mom” worries. I’m talking about the overwhelming, suffocating fear that something catastrophic might happen to my baby and things would never be the same.

When she first arrived, tiny and helpless, I was consumed with dread. Would she stop breathing in her sleep? Could I miss something critical that would hurt her? Every blanket seemed like a suffocation risk, every staircase a broken bone waiting to happen. Each day felt like a series of obstacles where death could lurk around any corner.

This is the reality of health and death anxiety in motherhood. It’s an undercurrent that runs through your thoughts, ever-present and just strong enough to make you second-guess everything. And let me tell you—it’s freaking exhausting.

What Is Health Anxiety in Motherhood?

Let’s get into it. Health anxiety is that nagging, relentless fear that something might be wrong with your child or yourself. It’s different from the natural, everyday worries of parenthood. Health anxiety can be all-consuming. You might find yourself over-checking your baby for signs of illness, hyper-aware of every cough, rash, or change in their behavior. When does concern turn into anxiety? When you’re losing sleep over it, constantly Googling symptoms, or frequently rushing to the pediatrician just for reassurance.

And if you think that’s bad, health anxiety often has a partner—death anxiety.

Death Anxiety: A Mother’s Worst Fear

Death anxiety isn’t just the fear that your child might get sick. It’s the paralyzing terror that something much worse could happen—that you could lose them. After I became a mom, my worries about my own health faded, but the anxiety about my child’s mortality took over. This kind of anxiety is primal, built into our DNA as mothers. The love we feel is so intense that the thought of anything bad happening to our child feels unbearable. It’s like your heart is living outside of your body, and the world is full of threats to its survival, especially when we are not with them.

Every fever or fall becomes a disaster waiting to happen. You find yourself thinking of all the ways things could go wrong, replaying worst-case scenarios in your head. It’s not just “don’t run near the street” anymore—it’s “what if you get hit by a car and I can’t get to you in time?”

Why Do Moms Struggle with Health and Death Anxiety?

1. Responsibility Overload: The moment you become a mom, you’re handed the weight of keeping another human alive. The pressure is immense, and the responsibility can feel crushing. Every decision you make feels like it could be the difference between safety and danger.
2. Hormones, Baby: Postpartum hormones don’t mess around. They can amplify your anxiety to an entirely new level. Those dips and spikes in estrogen and progesterone can fuel fears and make them stick around longer than they would otherwise.
3. We Live in a Scary World: From online parenting forums to news reports of tragedies, we’re bombarded with information that reinforces our worst fears. It feels like the world is full of danger, and as a mom, it’s hard not to internalize that.
4. The Fear of Loss: Love and fear are two sides of the same coin. The more you love your child, the more terrified you are of losing them. It’s a natural but terrifying part of motherhood.

Coping with Health and Death Anxiety

So, what do you do when your mind spirals into this abyss of fear? How can you quiet those anxious thoughts?

1. Ground Yourself in Reality

When you feel anxiety creeping in, try to focus on the present. Practice mindfulness techniques that bring you back into the moment. Deep breathing exercises, progressive relaxation, or even simply counting your breaths can help anchor you when your mind starts to wander into worst-case scenarios.

2. Limit Exposure to Triggers

Social media, news, and even well-meaning advice from other moms can send your anxiety through the roof. Limit your exposure to these sources when you feel your anxiety starting to spike. Set boundaries for yourself. For example, designate a specific time each day to check the news or scroll Instagram—then, stick to it.

3. Healthy Reassurance, Not Obsession

It’s normal to check in with your pediatrician or partner when you’re worried, but don’t let it become a habit that feeds your anxiety. Work with a therapist or trusted person to set boundaries around when to seek reassurance and when to sit with your anxiety.

4. Therapy Is Your Friend

Sometimes, managing anxiety on your own just isn’t enough. Therapy, especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), is a fantastic tool to help you identify anxious thoughts and challenge them. You don’t have to carry the burden of anxiety alone—there are experts who can help you find a way out.

At Couples to Cradles, we offer free consultations (Canadians only right now) to help you get started on the path to managing your anxiety. If health and death anxiety are overwhelming you, book an appointment with one of our perinatal mental health specialists and start taking back control.

5. Create Safe Rituals

Building small, manageable routines around your child’s safety can give you a sense of control without feeding into compulsive behaviors. For example, instead of checking on your baby every ten minutes while they sleep, set a routine where you check on them once before you go to bed. This helps you feel secure while avoiding the trap of over-monitoring.

6. Talk About It

Sharing your fears with other moms can be incredibly validating. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one going through this, but trust me—you’re not. Join a mom group, an online forum, or even find a therapist who specializes in maternal mental health to talk about your anxiety. You’ll quickly realize that you’re not alone.

Why Does Anxiety Shift to Our Kids?

You may notice that once you became a mom, your anxiety around your own health took a backseat. That’s because our instinct to protect our children is so deeply rooted. As moms, we’re wired to safeguard our babies, and when you’re suddenly responsible for another life, your brain starts firing on all cylinders to prevent harm.

But the problem with this instinct is that it can easily go into overdrive. The line between protective and anxious gets blurred, especially when you’re running on little sleep and have an internet full of “worst-case scenario” stories at your fingertips.

Take Charge of Your Anxiety

If you’re struggling with health or death anxiety, know that you’re not alone, and help is available. At Couples to Cradles, we offer specialized treatment for health anxiety, postpartum anxiety, and other perinatal mental health challenges. Our Beyond Baby Blues course is designed to help you manage these overwhelming emotions and give you practical tools to navigate the early years of motherhood.

Don’t let anxiety steal the joy of parenting from you. Book a free consultation today and take the first step toward reclaiming peace of mind.

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