Sex Struggles After Kids

When I had my first baby, I was prepared for sleepless nights, diaper blowouts, and the occasional public meltdown (both me and the baby). But what I didn’t see coming? The way having a kid completely flipped my relationship—especially in the bedroom. Suddenly, sex wasn’t just another thing on the to-do list; it felt like an impossible task. And I’m not alone in this. Many couples find themselves struggling to reconnect intimately after childbirth, for reasons both physical and emotional.

The Postpartum Shift: Why Does Sex Change After Kids?

Let’s start with the obvious—birth is a big deal for your body. Whether you had a C-section, vaginal delivery, or anything in between, your body went through the wringer, and it needs time to heal. Between perineal tears, stitches, and that lovely six-week postpartum check-up, it’s no wonder many of us feel a little less eager to hop back into the saddle.

But it’s not just the physical recovery that throws a wrench in things. There’s also the hormone rollercoaster. After giving birth, your body is flooded with prolactin (especially if you're breastfeeding), which can lower libido. And don’t even get me started on body image issues—stretch marks, extra skin, and that overall feeling of “I don’t even recognize my own body anymore.”

Sex vs. Sleep: The Ultimate Battle

We’ve all heard it—“Sleep when the baby sleeps.” But for a lot of us, that feels like a joke when laundry is piling up, dishes are breeding in the sink, and you’re just trying to remember the last time you showered. Add intimacy into the mix, and sex can quickly start to feel like just another thing on the endless to-do list.

The thing is, when we’re exhausted, it’s not just our bodies that are tired—our minds and emotions are running on empty too. And that emotional disconnection can spill into our relationships, making sex the last thing on our minds.

Talking About Sex Without Awkwardness

Here’s the part nobody tells you—talking about sex after kids can be just as hard as actually having it. There’s an unspoken pressure to “bounce back” and make everything look easy. But intimacy isn’t a switch you can just flip, and when things don’t feel the same as they used to, it’s easy to feel like something’s wrong.

The good news? Opening up about these struggles can actually bring you closer. Start small—acknowledge that things have changed, but that doesn’t mean they can’t improve. Honest communication can be a game-changer, so instead of pretending everything’s fine, give yourself permission to say, “Hey, I’m struggling with this.”

Facing the Hard (or Not So Hard) Truths

Let’s get real—there are some common issues that crop up when it comes to sex after kids. Whether it’s a lack of desire, mismatched libidos, or even physical discomfort during sex, the struggles are real. But they’re also solvable.

Here’s where things like scheduled intimacy come in handy. Now, I know what you’re thinking—scheduling sex sounds about as a turn on as doing your taxes, but hear me out. When you’ve got a baby (or multiple kids), spontaneity isn’t always realistic. Setting aside time for intimacy can actually help remove some of the pressure and create space for connection.

It’s also important to recognize that intimacy doesn’t have to start with sex. Rebuilding that connection might mean taking a slower approach—holding hands, cuddling on the couch, or sharing a quiet moment after the kids are finally in bed.

Slowly Finding Your Way Back

Rebuilding desire after kids takes time. Your body and mind need time to adjust to this new chapter of life, and that’s okay. One of the best things you can do is find moments of intimacy that don’t involve sex—like a kiss in the kitchen or a laugh shared over breakfast.

Start by reconnecting with your own body. Finding time for yourself (whether it’s time to shower or have a bath alone or a quick yoga session) can help you feel more in tune with your physical self, making it easier to reconnect with your partner when you’re ready.

When to Reach Out for Support

Sometimes, the struggles are more than you can navigate on your own—and that’s okay. If sex after childbirth feels like an ongoing battle, it might be time to talk to a professional. Our Certified Sexologist, Kate, specializes in helping women reconnect with their bodies and their partners after childbirth. From practical tips to deeper emotional work, she offers the kind of support that can make a real difference.

You don’t have to struggle through this alone. Book a free consultation with Kate (pictured below) and start taking steps toward rediscovering intimacy.