Teaching Kids How to Cope with Big Feelings: Tools They Can Carry Through Life

Coping skills are like tools in a toolkit. When life throws challenges their way, we want our kids to know they have tools they can count on to manage those feelings. In my work as a child psychologist, I see many children who are struggling with emotions that feel too big or situations that feel out of their control. The right coping strategies can make all the difference, giving them the skills they need to feel grounded and capable, even in challenging moments.

Whether you’re navigating parenting stress yourself or have already tried every tip in the book, I’ll share a few approachable ways to get started with teaching your child coping skills they can build on and rely on for years to come.

1. Start by Naming Emotions

One of the best ways to help kids start coping with their emotions is by helping them name what they’re feeling. Think of it as putting a label on the big, abstract feelings they might have. When a child knows they’re feeling “angry” or “worried,” it gives them something to hold on to instead of feeling swept away. I often use child-friendly ways to teach this in my child counselling sessions, like talking about a “feelings thermometer” to measure the intensity of different emotions.

Try keeping a chart or small list of common emotions on the fridge for quick reference. And when they feel upset, sit down with them and go through their options. Ask questions like, “Do you think this is a little or a big worry?” You’d be surprised at how this simple act of identifying feelings can help them take that first step toward managing those feelings.

2. Practice Breathing Techniques

Kids can benefit from learning how to control their breathing, especially when they’re anxious or upset. The goal is to give them something simple, quick, and portable to help calm them down no matter where they are. One technique I teach often in child therapy sessions is “belly breathing.” When they breathe in, I ask them to put their hands on their bellies to feel them expand. Then, I have them breathe out slowly, like they’re blowing out birthday candles. It’s easy, it’s effective, and it’s a great way to start teaching relaxation skills early.

When they’re not in the middle of a meltdown, practice this together to make it feel natural. Breathing techniques are an accessible, on-the-go tool for any child, whether they’re feeling anxious, angry, or just overwhelmed.

3.Offer Choices for Coping Tools

One of the best ways to help kids feel more in control of their emotions is by giving them a choice in how they cope. In child counselling, we often set up a “calm corner” or a “calm-down box” that includes various items for them to choose from, like fidget toys, a weighted stuffed animal, or even coloring pages. Having options empowers them to choose what works for them, giving them a sense of control that can be especially valuable during a meltdown or anxious moment.

At home, you can create your own calm-down kit. Try filling it with sensory items—like soft fabric or a small squishy toy—that they can use whenever they feel overwhelmed. By offering choice, you’re helping them figure out which coping methods actually feel right for them.

4. Teach Problem-Solving with Stories

Children naturally connect with stories. In child therapy, I often use stories to talk about different situations and how the characters handle their feelings. Stories give kids a safe distance to explore emotions and consider other ways to handle similar situations.

At home, you could do this with their favorite storybooks or even create simple stories together. Use these opportunities to introduce coping skills indirectly. For example, if a character is feeling worried about going to school, you can talk about how they could try breathing deeply, talking to someone they trust, or even taking a break. Storytelling helps make coping strategies feel relevant without sounding too much like a “lesson.”

5. Model Coping Skills

This one may feel challenging because, let’s be honest, coping well isn’t always easy for adults either. But kids watch what we do. Modeling how you handle stress can teach them valuable lessons in managing their own emotions. For instance, if you’re feeling stressed and need a moment to yourself, try narrating your thought process out loud. Say something like, “I’m feeling a bit frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath to calm down.”

Being open about your own coping strategies helps kids see that it’s okay to need a moment, to reach for tools, and to prioritize their mental health.

6. Encourage Communication and Connection

Encouraging your child to talk about their feelings is crucial. In child psychology, we know that kids who feel safe expressing themselves tend to have fewer emotional outbursts and greater resilience. Start small—ask open-ended questions like, “What was something that made you happy today?” or “What’s something that was hard for you?”

When your child opens up, listen without judgment or jumping to problem-solving. The goal is to create a space where they feel heard. You’ll also get better insight into what might be causing any underlying anxiety, frustration, or other emotions they may be struggling with.

Why Teaching Coping Skills Matters

By teaching these skills, you’re helping your child learn tools that will support them far beyond childhood. And remember, learning to cope isn’t about making the hard things disappear—it’s about empowering your child to face challenges with confidence and resilience.

If you’re feeling like you need extra support in helping your child learn these skills, child counselling can be a helpful resource. Child Psychologists can provide individualized guidance and support, especially for kids dealing with anxiety or ongoing emotional struggles. At Couples to Cradles Counselling, we specialize in child counselling in Lethbridge and Canmore, offering evidence-based strategies tailored to each child’s unique needs. Book your Free Consult today with a Child Therapist

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